The Slinky Effect

Every day I drive the Malahat. Twice a day, Monday to Friday. The morning road goes up a turny two-lane highway to the breathtaking summit, then down a turny one-lane through Goldstream Park and into Colwood. Here, this is what I mean:

Up: Top:

Down:

The road’s a little wider in spots and a little more traffic now, but basically the same.

And in the afternoon, we merge at Spencer Road and see the progress on the new overpass, then enter the Park, and start up the two-lane highway to the summit and back down again into Mill Bay.

Have you ever been in heavy traffic and for some unknown reason, suddenly slowed down and crawled along, then just as quickly, sped up again? This happens a lot to me on the commute, due to large trucks going up hills at slow speed. The main flow of traffic will be anywhere between 80km/h and 110km/h depending on how many lanes and the visibility. But once a truck enters the picture, that 80 can go down to 50. This is the Slinky Effect; a flurry of brake lights coming on one after another, like a roadside feu-de-joie, slowing you to a slow crawl down a hill because the truck is ½ a mile ahead at the front of the line going up another hill.

This Slinky Effect doesn’t just limit itself to traffic. Indeed, it can have its way with you as soon as that alarm goes off in the morning. A perfect weekday morning routine while Sailor’s at sea goes like this:

0500 – alarm goes off like angel kisses on my cheek, rousing me gently from a dream, where I stretch and yawn, and then roll out of bed.

0502 – enter a warm shower to enjoy the spray on my face. I emerge refreshed and ready to start my day.

0515 – brush teeth, cream face, and style hair. Such a relaxing routine in the morning. My hair looks great and now it’s time to get dressed.

0525 – Clothes all laid out the night before, I dress and put the final touches on my hair before turning off lights and heading downstairs, where the cat meets me with a purr for his food.

0526 – I was smart and pre-cut, bottled and portioned things for lunches last night. It takes me only a few minutes to put everything into bags and place by the front door. My tea is brewing and the computer is warming up so I can check my emails and write a quick note to Sailor to tell him I’m thinking of him. First, I feed the cat and clean out his box which has compostable litter, so everything goes into a compostable bag and into the bucket for emptying later.

0545 – Well, time to sign off the computer and put the bags in the car. Pour a travel mug of tea, turn off the teapot, and go outside. Ooooh, it’s chilly this morning. I start the car and put the tea in the console, turn on the defrost and rear window defroster.

0550 – Ok, lights off throughout the house, and time to get the girls up. I rouse them by speaking softly, opening their blinds and turning off their nightlights.

0555 – Greta’s up and dressed. She’s not too happy, but as she wakes up more, she talks to me about the cat (who has come to help), and says good morning to everything she can name.

0600 – Ray’s up and dressed now. She tells me all about her dreams and pets the cat before letting me comb her hair. Then down the stairs we go to get our coats and hats and boots on.

0610 – all bundled up and ready to go. Each girl has their piece of cheese and a juice box for the trip. Lights off, cat settled in for the day, and door locked.

0615 – All buckled into the car seats and the car’s nicely warmed up. We’re out of the driveway in time to arrive at preschool right when it opens!

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The typical weekday morning routine is really this:

0413 – the cat jumps on my face and yowls that he’s hungry and wants pets. I mutter, “Piss off, you, I don’t have to get up til 5.” This doesn’t work and he continues to be an ass until the alarm DOES go off, or until I give up in disgust 5 minutes to.

0455 – turn off the alarm so it doesn’t go off and stagger to the shower, trying not to step on the cat, who is trying to kill me by slinking in front of my feet.

0456 – run the water to make sure the hot kicks in, all the while telling the cat to shaddup. The shower wakes me up enough to realize I can’t spend too much time in there or I’ll be late.

0515 – Crap. Already running a bit behind. Maybe I can make up time by multi-tasking: teeth, face and hair all at once maybe? Ok, fine. While the straightener is heating up, I can get dressed, then it’ll be hot by the time I’m ready for it.

0525 – GAH! I forgot to turn it on!! Ok, what can I busy myself with while it heats up? I know – I’ll put away the clothes I washed last night. Quietly. Except the cat won’t stop yowling for his breakfast. If he wakes the girls up before I’m ready for them, he’ll be an outdoor/outdoor cat!

0532 – ok, finally ready to go downstairs. Hair looks like crap, but it’ll have to do. C’mon, cat, let’s go feed you before you wake the dead. Halfway down the stairs, realize I forgot my socks for the day, so back up I go, get my socks, and back down the stairs. I’ll turn the light off in the bedroom when I go get the girls up later.

0533 – bugga. Nearly 10 minutes behind schedule already and I was up 5 minutes early! Ok, let’s get lunches together. Oh… that’s right… I was tired last night from playing that geography game on Facebook, so I didn’t get anything pre-done. Ok, bring out the yogurt, cottage cheese, grapes, blueberries, strawberries, cheese, sausage, bacon and eggs. Spoon, knife, lots of those little containers…Yes, cat, I’ll feed you too, give me a minute.

0545 – Whew! Finally all packed up and in lunch bags. All fingers connected too, that’s a plus. Now for the bunny crackers and little bits I always seem to forget. Was it pizza day today? Or is that tomorrow? I sure hope it’s tomorrow…What is that SMELL? Oh… the box. Right. Where’s the bags? Oops, last one. Better add that to the shopping list.

0550 – 10 to 6 already? I guess email will wait til tonight. GAH! I forgot my tea. It’ll brew while I get the girls up. Bags in the car, warm it up.

0600 – There’s still a slim chance we can be out the door in 15 minutes if the girls cooperate. Hall light on (turn off the bedroom light), shades up, nightlights off. C’mon girls, time to get up. Wakey-wakey! No, Greta, no screaming please. Yes, here’s your baby. C’mon, honey, straighten your legs so I can get your pj’s off. Stop squirming, monkey, I need to put your diaper on (note to self – wash diapers tonight, we’re running out). Ok, you’re finally dressed, let’s get your sister. Yes, that’s the cat. Please stop trying to fall off the change table to pet him.

0605 – C’mon Ray, up you get. Yes, honey, I don’t want to get up either. I don’t want to go to work either. I’m tired too. Help me put your clothes on, please. Stop curling up, and help me out, please. *sigh* Yes, darling, I’m tired too. I understand you don’t want to go. I don’t want to either. Foot for sock please. If we don’t go, I don’t get paid. And if I don’t get paid, we can’t pay our bills. Other foot please. And if we can’t pay our bills… well if you KNOW, then why do you insist on complaining every morning? You’re FOUR, not FOURTEEN. Sit up so I can get your shirt on. FINE, if you can do it yourself, then do.it! Okay, girls, hair please. Greta! Please don’t go down the stairs without me. Why are you crying? Did kitty hurt you? Come here, let me hug you better. Alright, down the stairs we go.

0615 – Ray can you get your boots on please? Sit down, Greta and I’ll help you out. Yes, that’s your cheese. Can you wait til I get your coat on? No, I guess not. Ray, boots please. I’m sorry you don’t want your spotty-boots, but those are the ones that are out. Stop screaming and crying, they’re boots for God’s sake. Ok, FINE – here’s your other boots. Here’s your coat. No, Ray, it’s cold out. You need your coat. Ok, then, go outside without it. Ok, my shoes, my coat and scarf. Lights off, oh... the tea, right. Hang on, girls, just gotta pour a mug of tea. Got that, now out we go. Lock the door. Here’s your coat, Ray. Will you wear it now? Thank you. Down the stairs and let’s get into the car. Yes, Greta, I’ll carry you. Damn car, locked the doors on me. Hang on while I put the tea on the roof. Ok, Greta, into your car seat. Yes, Ray, I’ll be right over to buckle you in. Ok, good, you’re both secure.

0620 – five minutes late. Darn. Maybe I can make up the time if I miss the red lights. Oops, lurched a bit there taking off. What was that *thunk* I just heard? Oh bugga – it was my tea falling from the roof.