I'm in the middle of fighting with Veteran's Affairs Canada. This is probably going to be the hardest military event I'll ever go through. I was told Basic Training would be the hardest and it was tough but I made it through.
I made it through failing my first trades course because I wouldn't sleep with the instructor. I endured hard words and disappointment from my Sgt Major for months until I came clean with why I failed. Then I had to hold him back from tracking the guy down and beating on him.
I made it through months of sleeping in tents with men who thought that my sleeping bag would be warmer with them in it with me. I lived through shitting in the woods in the snow and going days without sleep. I lived through CS gas attacks in trench systems and fighting off mosquitoes the size of small birds. I made it through ignorant comments about being a woman, snide sneers about taking 'his' job and being weak, snarky muttered comments about being a 'Shad who doesn't know fuck nothing about being a Supply Tech'. And all through it, I countered with my words and my wit, my determination and my conviction.
I made it through a Combat Leader's Course at the Battle School in Wainwright, getting shat upon by my section because I couldn't run long distances like they could. I tried to quit but my Sgt said he wouldn't let me. In fact, his exact words were, "I'm not letting you quit. You have something the rest of us need. You're not leaving. A leader is more than someone who can carry a log on their shoulders and you need to learn that." Hardest course I ever did physically and mentally. But I did it.
I made it through the shittiest bosses in NATO without falling apart, without getting charged, and without committing a felony. Came close though (the charge part). I stood up to these bullies, these men who for whatever reasons, felt they were better than I was, and were in positions of power. I earned one's respect, and don't give a second thought to the other because he's so narrow minded he'll never change.
I made it through a Senior Leader's Course at the Battle School in Gagetown, learning to never let my guard down EVER, whether on the parade square, in a class room, or in the field.
I made it through going to sea for months at a time, away from family and friends, sailing across the world to exotic places... fighting the ship's movement, hauling NUTO buckets full of water up and down ladders in warm waters up to 6 times/day, dealing with fake fires, real fires, fake casualties, real casualties, sea sickness, crude comments about tits and more bullies who wanted me to fit a certain mold and seemed ready to ruin my career and my confidence if I wouldn't. I dealt with co-workers who undermined every move I made, gaslighting me and setting me up to fail. I reacted by becoming a harassment advisor to help people reach appropriate solutions for the difficulties they faced. I stood up for my peers and made many superiors pissed off at me for it.
I dealt with comments from well-meaning idiots through both pregnancies. I helped every section I was in become more productive and do things better and more efficiently.
And now I'm facing the biggest bully and liar I've met: Veteran's Affairs Canada.
They are not there to help the Veteran who comes to them for help. They're mandated to tell the client one thing, but do another. Without fail, since the late '90's when the PPCLI left Victoria, every story except 2 that I've been told about directly from the military person, has been denied. The knees blown out by years of intense infantry training - denied (from playing football as a teenager apparently). The knee ruined while on training - denied. The motor difficulties and system shutdown caused by inhalation of toxins while in the infantry - denied.
And now my chronic knee pain, foot pain, and the elbow I broke while on a military bonspiel - denied.
What they tell you: See your doctor to get a report on your injuries written up. We'll pay UP TO$150 for you to get it done.
What they forget to tell you: See an independent medical expert to get a comprehensive report written up that will take upwards of 4 hours of your day dependent upon what you're claiming. We need an estimate and then we'll pay it but you have to know about this or we won't tell you.
What they tell you: Send in your job spec.
What they don't tell you: That doesn't really matter because our specs are the ones that matter. For example, as a Supply Tech, my job spec says I lift 25kg on a regular basis. THEIR spec says that in order for me to claim lumbar pain, I have to have lifted 35kg for 51% of the time for 10 years or more.
First off no friggin' job anywhere needs you to lift 35kg regularly. That's slightly over 77 lbs. That's a bag and a half of potatoes. That's the weight of a 10-12 year-old child.
And for safety reasons, you're told not to carry anything over 25kg by yourself!! So this little circle comes to a close: Oh, you didn't lift 35kg regularly? Then you don't meet our specifications. Denied.
And does 'regularly for 51% of the time for 10 years or more" take into account leave? Weekends? Holidays? Courses? I'll tell you what it DOES take into account: temporary medical categories. The kind you go on when you're pregnant. Twice.
i have more rants to come another day, but I'm going to stop now before I get unintelligible and really ranty.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
"No" doesn't mean "Talk me into it!"
I'm getting a little fed up with a local swap & shop site I visit on Facebook. It's like a relationship with a guy.
When you first meet, it's all sunshine and lollipops - there's cool stuff to buy and even better, people will buy YOUR stuff! Woo hoo! Easy to down-size, great to get stuff you're looking for at a really good deal.
You enter into it with good intentions - You see something, you offer for it, you set up a meeting place, pay your money and get your item.
Then things go a little crazy, just like in a relationship. Places are hard to find. People don't meet you on time. The person you sold something to passes or keeps you hanging for weeks, leading you on that they still want it but they never take it.
And then the questions start: Is it broken? Will it work? And my favourite: Will you take $X for it instead?
There's a few ways around these tricks - you can say First Come First Serve (FCFS) which means you won't hold it, and you want it gone quickly. You can also say No Holds which essentially says the same thing.
Another thing to post is, FIRM on the price. If you don't I guarantee at least one person will try the "Will you take $4 for it?" on a $10 item. Seriously. Low-balling is one thing, but that's a little low.
And even then, you'll STILL get people asking you privately if you'd take less for what you're asking.
Yanno, if I say FIRM, I mean FIRM. I don't mean, "Talk me into it." or "Ask anyway". I mean FIRM.
It's like when you're out with a guy and he offers you a drink. You say, "No thanks, I'm good." And he keeps on and on and on at you, trying to wear you down. WTF? What part of NO don't you get, right? I'm a grown woman. I know if I want a drink or not. And if you buy me one, I'm not going to drink it.
I was at a neighbour's party one night. One of our other neighbours was there and was drinking a lot of rum. I was drinking beer and don't especially like rum at the best of times. He is an older gentleman, an immigrant Italian, very old-school. He offered me a drink of rum. "No thanks" I say, very pleasantly. "Oh, come on. Have a drink." "No. Thank. You." I say again, a little more firmly. "OH, don't be like that. Have a drink." This went on for 5 minutes - him nearly forcing me to drink and me getting more and more pissed off. Finally he says, "Why are you so rude? Be NICE" he says.
Oh, so now I have to be a good girl? Be a nice girl? Seriously? Is this the '50's or something and I missed the time warp? "I AM being nice," I say, "If I wasn't you'd know it."
"Oh, hahahhaa," he laughs, "Really?"
"Yes, I'm being polite and courteous to you now, and you're not respecting my choice."
"But it's just a drink!"
"Ok, look, you have a daughter, right?"
"Yes, you know that. Beautiful girl, 18 years old."
"Yes and if some guy was forcing her to take a drink like you're forcing me, what would you say?"
"I'd kill him!"
"Exactly! Stop pressing me to take a drink. Stop insisting that I drink something I don't want to drink. I'm respecting you by being polite, and I want the same respect back."
He didn't really get it I think, mostly because he was drunk, but my host sure did.
My kid tries it too. If she doesn't get the answer she wants she keeps at you and at you and at you, hoping to wear you down. But she's 7 and believes in mermaids and Smurfs.
When I say NO, I mean NO. People need to respect that. I'm ingraining that into my daughter's pysche. When they say, "Stop tickling me!" I stop. When they say, "No, I don't want water." I don't give them water. I take their decision into consideration. They know themselves and I won't tell them differently.
Maybe then, when someone says a price is FIRM, they'll respect that. When they ask someone a question and that person says, No, then they'll respect that. And with luck they'll get that respect in return.
When you first meet, it's all sunshine and lollipops - there's cool stuff to buy and even better, people will buy YOUR stuff! Woo hoo! Easy to down-size, great to get stuff you're looking for at a really good deal.
You enter into it with good intentions - You see something, you offer for it, you set up a meeting place, pay your money and get your item.
Then things go a little crazy, just like in a relationship. Places are hard to find. People don't meet you on time. The person you sold something to passes or keeps you hanging for weeks, leading you on that they still want it but they never take it.
And then the questions start: Is it broken? Will it work? And my favourite: Will you take $X for it instead?
There's a few ways around these tricks - you can say First Come First Serve (FCFS) which means you won't hold it, and you want it gone quickly. You can also say No Holds which essentially says the same thing.
Another thing to post is, FIRM on the price. If you don't I guarantee at least one person will try the "Will you take $4 for it?" on a $10 item. Seriously. Low-balling is one thing, but that's a little low.
And even then, you'll STILL get people asking you privately if you'd take less for what you're asking.
Yanno, if I say FIRM, I mean FIRM. I don't mean, "Talk me into it." or "Ask anyway". I mean FIRM.
It's like when you're out with a guy and he offers you a drink. You say, "No thanks, I'm good." And he keeps on and on and on at you, trying to wear you down. WTF? What part of NO don't you get, right? I'm a grown woman. I know if I want a drink or not. And if you buy me one, I'm not going to drink it.
I was at a neighbour's party one night. One of our other neighbours was there and was drinking a lot of rum. I was drinking beer and don't especially like rum at the best of times. He is an older gentleman, an immigrant Italian, very old-school. He offered me a drink of rum. "No thanks" I say, very pleasantly. "Oh, come on. Have a drink." "No. Thank. You." I say again, a little more firmly. "OH, don't be like that. Have a drink." This went on for 5 minutes - him nearly forcing me to drink and me getting more and more pissed off. Finally he says, "Why are you so rude? Be NICE" he says.
Oh, so now I have to be a good girl? Be a nice girl? Seriously? Is this the '50's or something and I missed the time warp? "I AM being nice," I say, "If I wasn't you'd know it."
"Oh, hahahhaa," he laughs, "Really?"
"Yes, I'm being polite and courteous to you now, and you're not respecting my choice."
"But it's just a drink!"
"Ok, look, you have a daughter, right?"
"Yes, you know that. Beautiful girl, 18 years old."
"Yes and if some guy was forcing her to take a drink like you're forcing me, what would you say?"
"I'd kill him!"
"Exactly! Stop pressing me to take a drink. Stop insisting that I drink something I don't want to drink. I'm respecting you by being polite, and I want the same respect back."
He didn't really get it I think, mostly because he was drunk, but my host sure did.
My kid tries it too. If she doesn't get the answer she wants she keeps at you and at you and at you, hoping to wear you down. But she's 7 and believes in mermaids and Smurfs.
When I say NO, I mean NO. People need to respect that. I'm ingraining that into my daughter's pysche. When they say, "Stop tickling me!" I stop. When they say, "No, I don't want water." I don't give them water. I take their decision into consideration. They know themselves and I won't tell them differently.
Maybe then, when someone says a price is FIRM, they'll respect that. When they ask someone a question and that person says, No, then they'll respect that. And with luck they'll get that respect in return.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Shit I've Learned Over The Years (or, Murphy's Laws of Everyday Operations)
There's this thing going around called, "Hacks" - life hacks to make your every day life easier, iPhone hacks to make navigating your electronic devices easier, etc - and yet there's nothing that gathers all the Shit I've Learned into one spot. Here's my version so far:
- when you're in a hurry, you will follow someone doing the speed limit (or under) and hit every red light between where you start and your destination. Everyone says, "well then, leave earlier!" Sometimes it's not possible to do that, especially when you have children to wrangle out the door. Or when there's frost (or snow) on your car and you need that extra 10 minutes to clear it so you can actually see to drive. Or when you consistently forget something (like your phone or purse or list) and have to go back to get it. And that's usually why you're in a hurry.
- when you owe the government money - ANY government from municipal to federal - you will be charged interest from the SECOND you are found delinquent. This means that you will need to pay them an extra $5 minimum when you make your payment otherwise you'll be paying interest on the interest until you can catch up. However, when they owe YOU money, they will add on interest (at a lower interest rate than they charge you) and take their sweet time sending it to you. This means you will not get it in time to pay bills like you were expecting, and then you'll get dinged for an NSF charge for when the payments can't go through (see next).
- when you end up getting automatic payments out of your account, if you end up going NSF, the bank will whack you with a $45-50 charge each time something bounces, even if the lower-cost of the items would have cleared. So, let's say two NSF charges hit, one for $450 and one for $35. If the $35 item had gotten posted first, it would be fine, but because the higher one posted first, it threw you into NSF, and then the next one added to it. So, instead of clearing one and then only paying ONE NSF fee, you're paying TWO and throwing back TWO posted items. When you call the bank (or credit union) to explain this, they will be very polite and say something along the lines of, "Well we can't do anything about it because the company who requested the funds asked for it on that day and we post as soon as it comes through." So, they will not only tell you they couldn't do anything about it, but that it's the company's fault. When you call the company, they will tell you it's the bank's fault for posting it when they did. And then THEY'LL ding you for a returned-cheque fee, which will be added onto the next payment.
- when you're pregnant, your unborn child will come early so you can't attend a fancy event. Trust me. Happened twice. Never make plans within 2 weeks of your due date either way. Just won't happen.
- when you're a parent, your child will get sick so you can't attend a party, special event, or even go out to a movie. Never make plans when you're a parent because it just won't happen.
- Karma works. Seriously - when you cut someone off in traffic, then you'll get cut off at least twice before you get home. When you were a kid, remember all that shit you did? Your kids will do that to you - only worse and all the time. When you were childless and you looked at that Mom and had those thoughts in your head, "Man, just control your kid, can't you?" - your kid will throw the mother-of-all-tantrums in the middle of WalMart and you'll get all those looks too. When you told your friend who just lost her pregnancy that, "Everything happens for a reason," just HOPE that someone won't be throwing those words back in your face.
- Karma works. When you do something nice for someone just because you can, you will get something nice done for you when you need it most.
- when you're in a hurry, you will follow someone doing the speed limit (or under) and hit every red light between where you start and your destination. Everyone says, "well then, leave earlier!" Sometimes it's not possible to do that, especially when you have children to wrangle out the door. Or when there's frost (or snow) on your car and you need that extra 10 minutes to clear it so you can actually see to drive. Or when you consistently forget something (like your phone or purse or list) and have to go back to get it. And that's usually why you're in a hurry.
- when you owe the government money - ANY government from municipal to federal - you will be charged interest from the SECOND you are found delinquent. This means that you will need to pay them an extra $5 minimum when you make your payment otherwise you'll be paying interest on the interest until you can catch up. However, when they owe YOU money, they will add on interest (at a lower interest rate than they charge you) and take their sweet time sending it to you. This means you will not get it in time to pay bills like you were expecting, and then you'll get dinged for an NSF charge for when the payments can't go through (see next).
- when you end up getting automatic payments out of your account, if you end up going NSF, the bank will whack you with a $45-50 charge each time something bounces, even if the lower-cost of the items would have cleared. So, let's say two NSF charges hit, one for $450 and one for $35. If the $35 item had gotten posted first, it would be fine, but because the higher one posted first, it threw you into NSF, and then the next one added to it. So, instead of clearing one and then only paying ONE NSF fee, you're paying TWO and throwing back TWO posted items. When you call the bank (or credit union) to explain this, they will be very polite and say something along the lines of, "Well we can't do anything about it because the company who requested the funds asked for it on that day and we post as soon as it comes through." So, they will not only tell you they couldn't do anything about it, but that it's the company's fault. When you call the company, they will tell you it's the bank's fault for posting it when they did. And then THEY'LL ding you for a returned-cheque fee, which will be added onto the next payment.
- when you're pregnant, your unborn child will come early so you can't attend a fancy event. Trust me. Happened twice. Never make plans within 2 weeks of your due date either way. Just won't happen.
- when you're a parent, your child will get sick so you can't attend a party, special event, or even go out to a movie. Never make plans when you're a parent because it just won't happen.
- Karma works. Seriously - when you cut someone off in traffic, then you'll get cut off at least twice before you get home. When you were a kid, remember all that shit you did? Your kids will do that to you - only worse and all the time. When you were childless and you looked at that Mom and had those thoughts in your head, "Man, just control your kid, can't you?" - your kid will throw the mother-of-all-tantrums in the middle of WalMart and you'll get all those looks too. When you told your friend who just lost her pregnancy that, "Everything happens for a reason," just HOPE that someone won't be throwing those words back in your face.
- Karma works. When you do something nice for someone just because you can, you will get something nice done for you when you need it most.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
The More Things Change...
This weekend a very good friend of mine came over for a 2 night stay.
She brought her lovely children and they played so well with my girls!
We had a great time. One thing she did was watch the kids while Sailor,
Neighbour, Neighbour's Wife and I moved the big stuff out of the store
and into a storage locker.
It took us 2 hours to take the majority of stuff out - all that's left are mannequins, a couple of chairs, dresses, stands, a computer and the printer. Well... a couple of boxes too... and the racking... and a giant counter.
ANYWAY, everything else is leaving by Tuesday (except for the counter) and tomorrow I'll be busy bagging the dresses and hopefully selling a few, before taking them all to the storage locker and storing them in preparation for the mobile service I've come up with. With luck there'll be room for the manni's too... and the chairs, stands, boxes and racking. The computer and printer are coming home with me.
Speaking of which, the desk and printer cart came home - broken. So now the desk is really only good for firewood and the printer cart needs the rollers taken off so it's not cart, but more of a table. With luck I can sell it, but so far no bites on either.
Ok, so Friend and Kids arrived and while we were out loading and unloading, she would text me - the kids are eating muffins, we're having a great time, stay out as long as you want, the upstairs toilet has overflowed, and we changed the living room around!
Awesome!
We got home and put stuff downstairs into what is supposed to be my craft room but is now turning into my crap room, and then I came upstairs into the living room... it looked amazing! The sofa table was where the sofa was, the sofa was cross-ways, the giant entertainment centre was empty and items were put on the bookshelves, which were moved to the other end of the room and the tv (#1) was in the corner... It looked great but we decided it could look so much better! So Sailor, Friend and I took apart the Monstrosity (giant entertainment centre) and though we thought we found the base and sticky-uppy-thing for the flat screen tv (#2), we realized we didn't have the right sticky-uppy-thing, so we bought the stand-with-a-stick from another friend and put that in the corner... which we liked until we realized the cable wasn't turned on in that corner (the outlet part), so the tv is now back where it started, only on a smaller, more modern stand with a new tv on it. I just need another HDMI cable to hook up the Apple TV and we can toss cable TV!
Now, my office area has always been in the living room and moving it is a gargantuan job. But Friend convinced me the girls don't need a playroom - they need a play area with the majority of their toys in their rooms and if they don't fit, then they leave! The toys, not the girls.
This morning, we moved all the toys in the living room and told the girls to sort out what's garbage, what's being sold and what's being kept. Then we moved the office into the playroom - that L-shaped desk was a to move but we did it! WOMAN POWER!!
The far end of the living room has a loveseat against the wall facing an older tv (#3) which only takes cable. I hooked up all the cables to the receiver, speakers, DVD and VCR but the remote for the tv (#3) isn't working and the other things are hooking up, so Sailor needs to bring back the other tv (#1) and I can re-hook that up. He wants to use a tv (#3) for his PS2 (yes, we're old and out of touch. Whatever.), so hopefully this old one will work for him. It's super heavy and he's not going to be impressed that he gets to move them all again, but seriously, the whining from these two is going to drive me mental.
Then two tall bookshelves became one tall one with books and games on it and one short one with dvds and vhs on it. The other tall one went downstairs across from the freezer and is holding canning stuff. The coffee table is in the far corner with a tv (#3) on it and the speakers with the receiver, DVD and VCR under it. The girls' paint/chalk board easel has a large toy under it with a small square table in the corner holding current larger play toys. Their huge toy bins are going to be sorted out (they're in R's room right now) and all toys are to be purged to fit ONLY in their three cloth bins in their rooms. Anything else is being sold, donated or tossed. Honestly, they don't need that many Barbies, especially since G is into Monster High now.
We decided to put the sofa back against the wall and the sofa table back under the window with the Christmas cards, the keyboard piano in the corner and when the Christmas tree is taken down and gone, a couple guitars will round it out nicely. Sailor's recliner is in front of the fireplace and can be moved around along with the wooden rocking chair in the opposite corner.
The whole living room is opened up now. Very linear, but looks much more spacious and the walls will be much easier to paint now that we can actually get to them! We just need to agree on a neutral colour and get some paint on sale (and the accoutrements!).
So, though the living room is REALLY different, some things are the same - the couch is across from the tv, the area rug is in between, the horse cabinet is still in the corner and the sofa table is against the window.
Now Friend is working on me removing more stuff! She sure has her work cut out for her... but in all honesty, I'm looking at the stuff in my craft room and thinking, "I could get rid of this and this and this..." so it might be possible after all!
It took us 2 hours to take the majority of stuff out - all that's left are mannequins, a couple of chairs, dresses, stands, a computer and the printer. Well... a couple of boxes too... and the racking... and a giant counter.
ANYWAY, everything else is leaving by Tuesday (except for the counter) and tomorrow I'll be busy bagging the dresses and hopefully selling a few, before taking them all to the storage locker and storing them in preparation for the mobile service I've come up with. With luck there'll be room for the manni's too... and the chairs, stands, boxes and racking. The computer and printer are coming home with me.
Speaking of which, the desk and printer cart came home - broken. So now the desk is really only good for firewood and the printer cart needs the rollers taken off so it's not cart, but more of a table. With luck I can sell it, but so far no bites on either.
Ok, so Friend and Kids arrived and while we were out loading and unloading, she would text me - the kids are eating muffins, we're having a great time, stay out as long as you want, the upstairs toilet has overflowed, and we changed the living room around!
Awesome!
We got home and put stuff downstairs into what is supposed to be my craft room but is now turning into my crap room, and then I came upstairs into the living room... it looked amazing! The sofa table was where the sofa was, the sofa was cross-ways, the giant entertainment centre was empty and items were put on the bookshelves, which were moved to the other end of the room and the tv (#1) was in the corner... It looked great but we decided it could look so much better! So Sailor, Friend and I took apart the Monstrosity (giant entertainment centre) and though we thought we found the base and sticky-uppy-thing for the flat screen tv (#2), we realized we didn't have the right sticky-uppy-thing, so we bought the stand-with-a-stick from another friend and put that in the corner... which we liked until we realized the cable wasn't turned on in that corner (the outlet part), so the tv is now back where it started, only on a smaller, more modern stand with a new tv on it. I just need another HDMI cable to hook up the Apple TV and we can toss cable TV!
Now, my office area has always been in the living room and moving it is a gargantuan job. But Friend convinced me the girls don't need a playroom - they need a play area with the majority of their toys in their rooms and if they don't fit, then they leave! The toys, not the girls.
This morning, we moved all the toys in the living room and told the girls to sort out what's garbage, what's being sold and what's being kept. Then we moved the office into the playroom - that L-shaped desk was a
The far end of the living room has a loveseat against the wall facing an older tv (#3) which only takes cable. I hooked up all the cables to the receiver, speakers, DVD and VCR but the remote for the tv (#3) isn't working and the other things are hooking up, so Sailor needs to bring back the other tv (#1) and I can re-hook that up. He wants to use a tv (#3) for his PS2 (yes, we're old and out of touch. Whatever.), so hopefully this old one will work for him. It's super heavy and he's not going to be impressed that he gets to move them all again, but seriously, the whining from these two is going to drive me mental.
Then two tall bookshelves became one tall one with books and games on it and one short one with dvds and vhs on it. The other tall one went downstairs across from the freezer and is holding canning stuff. The coffee table is in the far corner with a tv (#3) on it and the speakers with the receiver, DVD and VCR under it. The girls' paint/chalk board easel has a large toy under it with a small square table in the corner holding current larger play toys. Their huge toy bins are going to be sorted out (they're in R's room right now) and all toys are to be purged to fit ONLY in their three cloth bins in their rooms. Anything else is being sold, donated or tossed. Honestly, they don't need that many Barbies, especially since G is into Monster High now.
We decided to put the sofa back against the wall and the sofa table back under the window with the Christmas cards, the keyboard piano in the corner and when the Christmas tree is taken down and gone, a couple guitars will round it out nicely. Sailor's recliner is in front of the fireplace and can be moved around along with the wooden rocking chair in the opposite corner.
The whole living room is opened up now. Very linear, but looks much more spacious and the walls will be much easier to paint now that we can actually get to them! We just need to agree on a neutral colour and get some paint on sale (and the accoutrements!).
So, though the living room is REALLY different, some things are the same - the couch is across from the tv, the area rug is in between, the horse cabinet is still in the corner and the sofa table is against the window.
Now Friend is working on me removing more stuff! She sure has her work cut out for her... but in all honesty, I'm looking at the stuff in my craft room and thinking, "I could get rid of this and this and this..." so it might be possible after all!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
I'm Getting Older and This Is How I Know
When my Mum had me she was 30. Back in the mid-60's that was pretty much the upper limit of women's reproductive age and by the time I realized she was THIRTY YEARS OLDER than I was I thought she was OOOOLLLDDD.
Mum moved away when I was 17, just a few months shy of turning 18, and for some reason, even though I know she's in her late 70's now, I still see her in my mind's eye at about 48. I told her she'll always look 48 to me, and she probably always will. She sends me photos of her Sweet Adelines' singing group, and there's a few more wrinkles, but she essentially looks the same to me.
Now I have two kids of my own, my last born a week before I turned 40. I didn't FEEL 40. I felt more like 28 or something, 30 tops. Now I'm in my last two years of being in my 40's and I'm not liking what I see in the mirror. Well, ok, I like it a bit, but I'm starting to really understand how women can go to a plastic surgeon and say, "Fix this!"
Today is annual Christmas photo day. The girls are dressed up in their beautiful Christmas dresses and I'm busy putting on the war paint. Usually I go with the matte shadows because it hides the creases in my eyes so well, but today I throw caution to the wind and decide to use the cream makeup that I have. The blush is a great colour and goes on smoothly. Then the eyes... I have amazing eyes. They're built to be a perfect palette for eyeshadows with lots of space on the lid, the crease and under the brow.
But wait... once the eyeliner goes on, there's nothing left to be seen. In fact, it looks a little... droopy! I know I've gained weight (and I'm dropping it thanks to aquafit and healthier eating), but on my EYELIDS?! I have fat eyelids?! Why isn't there any colour showing on my eyelid? Why is the crease all puffy? Where did my canvas go?
And hey... are those... jowls? Seriously? JOWLS along my jawline? Where the hell did they come from?
And under my chin, why is there another chin? I tighten my throat to get rid of that and notice the horizontal lines going across my neck are a little deeper today than last week. And then my gaze travels to my 'decollete' and it looks a little... lizard-y. And lower to find my boobs. I swear I didn't have to look as low a little while ago.
Down my gaze travels over a body I have known intimately all my life but now looks completely foreign to me, with new hills and valleys, new contour lines and dimples that I've never met. At least my knees... nope, they're gone too!
I know kids have done some work on me, and those are my battle scars I wear with honour. I know some of it is the love-hate relationship I have with ice cream and late-night snacking versus lack of desire to exercise. I know some things are just natural aging processes. Not really liking this 'older' stuff.
But my eyes? I pull my skin a little, just to erase the jowls and puffy eyes. Ahhh... plastic surgery... now I get it. When your inside is contradicting your outside, you need to align them again.
I can't afford it that's for sure. So I will keep on eating healthy, being mindful of what I'm actually noshing on, and exercising as often as I can (I guess that elliptical I've used twice this year will start getting more use), and maybe, just maybe my eyes will come back, the jowls will disappear, and I'll find my knee caps once more.
At least Mum still looks 48. That gives me hope that I can hang on too.
Mum moved away when I was 17, just a few months shy of turning 18, and for some reason, even though I know she's in her late 70's now, I still see her in my mind's eye at about 48. I told her she'll always look 48 to me, and she probably always will. She sends me photos of her Sweet Adelines' singing group, and there's a few more wrinkles, but she essentially looks the same to me.
Now I have two kids of my own, my last born a week before I turned 40. I didn't FEEL 40. I felt more like 28 or something, 30 tops. Now I'm in my last two years of being in my 40's and I'm not liking what I see in the mirror. Well, ok, I like it a bit, but I'm starting to really understand how women can go to a plastic surgeon and say, "Fix this!"
Today is annual Christmas photo day. The girls are dressed up in their beautiful Christmas dresses and I'm busy putting on the war paint. Usually I go with the matte shadows because it hides the creases in my eyes so well, but today I throw caution to the wind and decide to use the cream makeup that I have. The blush is a great colour and goes on smoothly. Then the eyes... I have amazing eyes. They're built to be a perfect palette for eyeshadows with lots of space on the lid, the crease and under the brow.
But wait... once the eyeliner goes on, there's nothing left to be seen. In fact, it looks a little... droopy! I know I've gained weight (and I'm dropping it thanks to aquafit and healthier eating), but on my EYELIDS?! I have fat eyelids?! Why isn't there any colour showing on my eyelid? Why is the crease all puffy? Where did my canvas go?
And hey... are those... jowls? Seriously? JOWLS along my jawline? Where the hell did they come from?
And under my chin, why is there another chin? I tighten my throat to get rid of that and notice the horizontal lines going across my neck are a little deeper today than last week. And then my gaze travels to my 'decollete' and it looks a little... lizard-y. And lower to find my boobs. I swear I didn't have to look as low a little while ago.
Down my gaze travels over a body I have known intimately all my life but now looks completely foreign to me, with new hills and valleys, new contour lines and dimples that I've never met. At least my knees... nope, they're gone too!
I know kids have done some work on me, and those are my battle scars I wear with honour. I know some of it is the love-hate relationship I have with ice cream and late-night snacking versus lack of desire to exercise. I know some things are just natural aging processes. Not really liking this 'older' stuff.
But my eyes? I pull my skin a little, just to erase the jowls and puffy eyes. Ahhh... plastic surgery... now I get it. When your inside is contradicting your outside, you need to align them again.
I can't afford it that's for sure. So I will keep on eating healthy, being mindful of what I'm actually noshing on, and exercising as often as I can (I guess that elliptical I've used twice this year will start getting more use), and maybe, just maybe my eyes will come back, the jowls will disappear, and I'll find my knee caps once more.
At least Mum still looks 48. That gives me hope that I can hang on too.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Well, HELLO there!
Yes, it's been a LONG time since I've blogged here. A lot has been happening and now that things aren't happening quite as much, I've decided to start writing again.
Essentially, the store is closing as of the 30th of this month. I'm moving to a mobile service instead. This will allow me to sell off stock in a personal setting and still be able to hold down a job.
Speaking of which, the military has asked me to come back again in the New Year for a 90 day contract. I said I'd do it, but I'd prefer to do only 4 days/week instead of 5. I'd prefer to get an STS position instead of a CR position. I'd PREFER to work in town instead of commuting an hour each way every friggin' day. But whatever. I'm applying for jobs left, right, and centre. So far, no interview phone calls yet, and that's kind of depressing. I mean, I'm spectacular with warehousing - why hasn't anyone called me? I'm a good receptionist - where's my interview? I think I'll need some help with my cover letters maybe. Bah.
The kids are good: R is in Grade 4 and has been diagnosed with three separate disorders: ADHD inattentive sub-type, Sensory Integration Disorder hyper-touch-hypo-sound, and Anxiety Disorder - Social. Poor lamb. Her teacher is awesome though, really helping her through. Her classmates are wonderful, but they should be worried about themselves, not about R. G is in Grade 2 and acting more like 17 than 7. We're in for a rough ride through her teen years I fear. She is loving and kind, but can't understand why people think she's bossy. Well darling, it's because you are.
Sailor is still in the Navy, although not sailing. He's teaching now. He seems happy enough but we're expecting a posting in the New Year to either a ship or another part of the School. I hope it's a ship - we're out of duty free booze and could use the sea pay.
So, that's caught me up now. I will go back to more in-depth fluff next time around.
Essentially, the store is closing as of the 30th of this month. I'm moving to a mobile service instead. This will allow me to sell off stock in a personal setting and still be able to hold down a job.
Speaking of which, the military has asked me to come back again in the New Year for a 90 day contract. I said I'd do it, but I'd prefer to do only 4 days/week instead of 5. I'd prefer to get an STS position instead of a CR position. I'd PREFER to work in town instead of commuting an hour each way every friggin' day. But whatever. I'm applying for jobs left, right, and centre. So far, no interview phone calls yet, and that's kind of depressing. I mean, I'm spectacular with warehousing - why hasn't anyone called me? I'm a good receptionist - where's my interview? I think I'll need some help with my cover letters maybe. Bah.
The kids are good: R is in Grade 4 and has been diagnosed with three separate disorders: ADHD inattentive sub-type, Sensory Integration Disorder hyper-touch-hypo-sound, and Anxiety Disorder - Social. Poor lamb. Her teacher is awesome though, really helping her through. Her classmates are wonderful, but they should be worried about themselves, not about R. G is in Grade 2 and acting more like 17 than 7. We're in for a rough ride through her teen years I fear. She is loving and kind, but can't understand why people think she's bossy. Well darling, it's because you are.
Sailor is still in the Navy, although not sailing. He's teaching now. He seems happy enough but we're expecting a posting in the New Year to either a ship or another part of the School. I hope it's a ship - we're out of duty free booze and could use the sea pay.
So, that's caught me up now. I will go back to more in-depth fluff next time around.
Monday, May 21, 2012
TIme flies when you're run off your feet
Well, it's been a year since I posted here. Usually I blog on the Paper Doll blog about the dress of the week or whathaveyou. I've been kinda busy over the past year. Here's a quick (for me) recap.
Opened the store in March of 2011 with one full-time female, one part-time male, and one part-time seamstress. The grand opening was great, the sales were good the first month, and then nosedived after that.
During the summer I was offered three times to come back to the Navy. As tempting as it was, I declined each time, and so my last day was the 24th of July. I had about 12 people out to the retirement party. Three from BSup. Nice, eh? I'm still a little sad about that. One though, was my great friend who came on her last day of leave, in uniform, to MC for me. She was awesome. The BLog Chief gave me certificates and the PMC gave me my print. The new JAG came for it (my dear friend just back from Belgium), and lots of my other trade friends. Sailor ended up with a bottle of Bitch wine. They forgot a few certificates and whatnot, but whatever... I got my flag (not in a box) that was flown on my old ship for me, and a bunch of framed certificates to add to my Love-Me Wall.
Two days before my military ID was no good, Sailor and I went to see George Canyon play at the Speedway. Awesome show.
We took the girls to Church Camp again. First time for Sailor. He wasn't overly impressed with the whole thing, but the girls and I had a good time. The camp is undergoing huge renos (with luck) this summer, so there's no camp on Thetis this year, but there's a week's camp in town at the end of August I might pop the girls into.
So the store carried on. The full-time female went down a few hours (but stayed full-time), the part-time male left in the fall and went to a local menswear store and never came back. The part-time seamstress was a nightmare and we never gave her more work, and ended up with an amazing replacement. We obtained a part-time female consultant to replace the male.
I danced in a ballet recital (and the girls danced in theirs). A good friend's daughter got diagnosed with Leukemia and we did a fundraiser for them. Ray danced a solo at the dance fundraiser. I was so proud.
Ray also took horseback riding lessons. Went from not touching a horse to posting at a slow trot, steering through pylons, and picking hooves! Again, so proud.
Sang again at the annual party at our friend's place. Way fun. Needed to Google the lyrics for Circle Be Unbroken. That was awesome.
We did some camping up in Parksville. Booked it before the money ran out. Island RV is great! They drop off the RV to the site, set it up, and then pick it up when it's all over. Best time ever. We went to Qualicum Cheeseworks, Tiger Lily Farm, Coombs Country Market, and the Sandcastle Competition. Had one of the two weeks of sun.
Went back to work at the store and it was doing okay. Couldn't meet rent though - the cost was SO high!
The girls went back to school. Greta in Kitten-Garden (TM) and Ray in Grade 2. I got roped in to play a witch with the South Island Musical Theatre Society at the Forest Museum's Halloween Train.
From there it was a short jump (to the left) to dance in their Sound of Music production.
And now I'm going to audition for Oklahoma. Guess I should see the show first, eh?
I sold the Morgan to a guy who admired Grandpa. Used the money for the store and to have a good Christmas and to catch up on bills.
In January I was asked to "don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" and we had to move the store. I found a smaller place just south, and it was a good choice. The owners are awesome and the rent is MUCH more manageable.
Also in January I was asked if I wanted to come back to work as a Civy at BLog for a casual employment opportunity. I jumped on it.
The girls take the bus to and from school (and I'm really missing them) and we have four babysitters for five days to watch them until Sailor can get home. I said I'd only work til three but they paid me til four, so I owe them a ton of money and hours. So I'm working til 4:30 every day (unless I have an appointment) to make up time and I'm still getting a day's pay or so docked off each pay.
The job's over the middle of June. If there's another opportunity, I'll only work 3 days/week. It's taking a toll on me working 6 days a week - never seeing the kids, trying to put out fires at the store via distance, and trying to keep things together. I can only do business when I'm at work, and getting off late means I don't often have time to get things done in a timely manner. And that costs me money.
So now as the spring is winding into summer, the girls have their rehearsals all week and then recitals on the weekend. I have mine on the 8th of June. Probably won't be able to dance next year, but if I get a part in OK, then I'm okay with that.
The school year is over the middle of June (just before my job ends), and the girls will spend their summer with me, split between the shop and going to attractions like Butterfly Gardens, the Royal BC Museum & Imax, Undersea Gardens, Saltspring Island, hanging with friends... etc etc.
So, we're broke, trying to make ends meet, and trying to keep things together. Wish me luck.
Opened the store in March of 2011 with one full-time female, one part-time male, and one part-time seamstress. The grand opening was great, the sales were good the first month, and then nosedived after that.
 |
| The private opening. Few dresses but many lovely people. |
During the summer I was offered three times to come back to the Navy. As tempting as it was, I declined each time, and so my last day was the 24th of July. I had about 12 people out to the retirement party. Three from BSup. Nice, eh? I'm still a little sad about that. One though, was my great friend who came on her last day of leave, in uniform, to MC for me. She was awesome. The BLog Chief gave me certificates and the PMC gave me my print. The new JAG came for it (my dear friend just back from Belgium), and lots of my other trade friends. Sailor ended up with a bottle of Bitch wine. They forgot a few certificates and whatnot, but whatever... I got my flag (not in a box) that was flown on my old ship for me, and a bunch of framed certificates to add to my Love-Me Wall.
 |
| PMC & Me with my print and coins |
We took the girls to Church Camp again. First time for Sailor. He wasn't overly impressed with the whole thing, but the girls and I had a good time. The camp is undergoing huge renos (with luck) this summer, so there's no camp on Thetis this year, but there's a week's camp in town at the end of August I might pop the girls into.
So the store carried on. The full-time female went down a few hours (but stayed full-time), the part-time male left in the fall and went to a local menswear store and never came back. The part-time seamstress was a nightmare and we never gave her more work, and ended up with an amazing replacement. We obtained a part-time female consultant to replace the male.
I danced in a ballet recital (and the girls danced in theirs). A good friend's daughter got diagnosed with Leukemia and we did a fundraiser for them. Ray danced a solo at the dance fundraiser. I was so proud.
Ray also took horseback riding lessons. Went from not touching a horse to posting at a slow trot, steering through pylons, and picking hooves! Again, so proud.
Sang again at the annual party at our friend's place. Way fun. Needed to Google the lyrics for Circle Be Unbroken. That was awesome.
 |
| The girls singing Circle... with me Googling the lyrics. |
We did some camping up in Parksville. Booked it before the money ran out. Island RV is great! They drop off the RV to the site, set it up, and then pick it up when it's all over. Best time ever. We went to Qualicum Cheeseworks, Tiger Lily Farm, Coombs Country Market, and the Sandcastle Competition. Had one of the two weeks of sun.
 |
| The view from our campsite. |
Went back to work at the store and it was doing okay. Couldn't meet rent though - the cost was SO high!
The girls went back to school. Greta in Kitten-Garden (TM) and Ray in Grade 2. I got roped in to play a witch with the South Island Musical Theatre Society at the Forest Museum's Halloween Train.
 |
| Two School Trustees and me! We had a BLAST! |
From there it was a short jump (to the left) to dance in their Sound of Music production.
 |
| Waiting for my 20 seconds of fame backstage with the boys. |
And now I'm going to audition for Oklahoma. Guess I should see the show first, eh?
I sold the Morgan to a guy who admired Grandpa. Used the money for the store and to have a good Christmas and to catch up on bills.
In January I was asked to "don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" and we had to move the store. I found a smaller place just south, and it was a good choice. The owners are awesome and the rent is MUCH more manageable.
Also in January I was asked if I wanted to come back to work as a Civy at BLog for a casual employment opportunity. I jumped on it.
The girls take the bus to and from school (and I'm really missing them) and we have four babysitters for five days to watch them until Sailor can get home. I said I'd only work til three but they paid me til four, so I owe them a ton of money and hours. So I'm working til 4:30 every day (unless I have an appointment) to make up time and I'm still getting a day's pay or so docked off each pay.
The job's over the middle of June. If there's another opportunity, I'll only work 3 days/week. It's taking a toll on me working 6 days a week - never seeing the kids, trying to put out fires at the store via distance, and trying to keep things together. I can only do business when I'm at work, and getting off late means I don't often have time to get things done in a timely manner. And that costs me money.
So now as the spring is winding into summer, the girls have their rehearsals all week and then recitals on the weekend. I have mine on the 8th of June. Probably won't be able to dance next year, but if I get a part in OK, then I'm okay with that.
The school year is over the middle of June (just before my job ends), and the girls will spend their summer with me, split between the shop and going to attractions like Butterfly Gardens, the Royal BC Museum & Imax, Undersea Gardens, Saltspring Island, hanging with friends... etc etc.
So, we're broke, trying to make ends meet, and trying to keep things together. Wish me luck.
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