I'm Getting Older and This Is How I Know

When my Mum had me she was 30. Back in the mid-60's that was pretty much the upper limit of women's reproductive age and by the time I realized she was THIRTY YEARS OLDER than I was I thought she was OOOOLLLDDD.

Mum moved away when I was 17, just a few months shy of turning 18, and for some reason, even though I know she's in her late 70's now, I still see her in my mind's eye at about 48. I told her she'll always look 48 to me, and she probably always will. She sends me photos of her Sweet Adelines' singing group, and there's a few more wrinkles, but she essentially looks the same to me.

Now I have two kids of my own, my last born a week before I turned 40. I didn't FEEL 40. I felt more like 28 or something, 30 tops. Now I'm in my last two years of being in my 40's and I'm not liking what I see in the mirror. Well, ok, I like it a bit, but I'm starting to really understand how women can go to a plastic surgeon and say, "Fix this!"

Today is annual Christmas photo day. The girls are dressed up in their beautiful Christmas dresses and I'm busy putting on the war paint. Usually I go with the matte shadows because it hides the creases in my eyes so well, but today I throw caution to the wind and decide to use the cream makeup that I have. The blush is a great colour and goes on smoothly. Then the eyes... I have amazing eyes. They're built to be a perfect palette for eyeshadows with lots of space on the lid, the crease and under the brow.

But wait... once the eyeliner goes on, there's nothing left to be seen. In fact, it looks a little... droopy! I know I've gained weight (and I'm dropping it thanks to aquafit and healthier eating), but on my EYELIDS?! I have fat eyelids?! Why isn't there any colour showing on my eyelid? Why is the crease all puffy? Where did my canvas go?

And hey... are those... jowls? Seriously? JOWLS along my jawline? Where the hell did they come from?

And under my chin, why is there another chin? I tighten my throat to get rid of that and notice the horizontal lines going across my neck are a little deeper today than last week. And then my gaze travels to my 'decollete' and it looks a little... lizard-y. And lower to find my boobs. I swear I didn't have to look as low a little while ago.

Down my gaze travels over a body I have known intimately all my life but now looks completely foreign to me, with new hills and valleys, new contour lines and dimples that I've never met. At least my knees... nope, they're gone too!

I know kids have done some work on me, and those are my battle scars I wear with honour. I know some of it is the love-hate relationship I have with ice cream and late-night snacking versus lack of desire to exercise. I know some things are just natural aging processes. Not really liking this 'older' stuff.

But my eyes? I pull my skin a little, just to erase the jowls and puffy eyes. Ahhh... plastic surgery... now I get it. When your inside is contradicting your outside, you need to align them again.

I can't afford it that's for sure. So I will keep on eating healthy, being mindful of what I'm actually noshing on, and exercising as often as I can (I guess that elliptical I've used twice this year will start getting more use), and maybe, just maybe my eyes will come back, the jowls will disappear, and I'll find my knee caps once more.

At least Mum still looks 48. That gives me hope that I can hang on too.